Hi, I'm Ivy.

And I'm Bean. People are always telling me to behave. I don't know why. Usually, I behave great!

Me, too. I just read a book about how to behave if you're invited to the palace.

What palace?

Any palace.

Okay. What do you do?

Number one most important thing: don't turn your back on the queen.

Why not?

Because it makes her mad and then she'll chop off your head.

Why would it make her mad?

She's the most important person in the room, so you're supposed to keep your eyes on her all the time.

If she's going to creep up and chop off my head, I'll keep my eyes on her for sure. What else?

Nobody can eat until she does.

What if you're about to starve to death?

Still, you can't eat until she does.

What if you're so starving that you faint and your head falls in your soup and by mistake some gets in your mouth?

I don't know. Jail, maybe.

Forget it. If I get invited to the palace, I'll say no. Do you want to hear my rules for being good in restaurants?

Sure.

Okay. Number One: No screaming. Also, no going in the fountain if there is one.

Did you do that?

Yeah. Big mistake. Number Two: If you scrunch your straw paper down around the end of the straw and then blow it off, aim at your own family, not the people sitting next to you.

I've got one. Number Three: If you knock the salt shaker over, you have to throw the spilled salt over your left shoulder for good luck, but don't throw it hard because you're in a restaurant.

Yeah. Some people don't like salt. Here's Number Four: You can only crawl around under the table if you dropped something by mistake. You can't just dump things down there on purpose so you can go under the table.

Number Five: If you're bored, make a purse out of your napkin.

Number Six: If you're really bored, make a purse out of your lettuce.

I've got some food tips.

What are food tips?

Things that are important to know about food at restaurants.

Like what?

Watch out for those tiny corns on the cob. They don't taste like corn. They taste like pickles.

Oh. I have a food tip, too. If you can get something flambé, do it, because that means it's on fire and the waiter has to put it out.

Here's another one: there's something called sweetbreads, but it's not sweet bread, it's brains!

Get this! Some people think cheese is a dessert!

That is just plain weird.

Once my dad ate a tongue.

Yuck!